**Thanks a lot castaway16:
Unfortunately, i have to agree, such dreams are beyond my control, since i've tryed hard to refrain them for days, but i did not suceed. I hope, i won't have to relieve myself anymore in the future, because no matter what, whetever i'm in control or not, the content is a shame, and i'm ashamed and still shocked at the moment.
"DON'T GIVE UP WHATSOEVER". I'm close to reach my first month of being P clean, from experience i know the first months are the hardest, so i still have a long way to go, and such encouragment are of great help.
To sum up:
1. I'll try some charity maybe
2. I'm Very ANGRY at the Porn industry. I'm very motivated to start a "stop internet porn" movement. Was i aware of the real danger of exposure to P, i wouldn't be where i am now. Of course i knew it wasn't "right", i definately didn't know about the real danger. It cannot go on as it is, something's wrong, Internet is some jungle with Spot for crack all over the place. The path to acknowledgment of the real dangers of P, will be similar to that of Smoke i guess, it will take a long time, and much fight. Let's start a petition!
3.Definately!
**Thanks a lot pythagoras:
I must say i was very ashamed while writting this post despite being anonym.
Well, i wouldn't call such ugly dreams "a journey of discovery", but i agree i better learn something from that, than fall into depresion, altought it's the easy way.
I'm perplexed, whether, i'll ever fully recover or not, but i must give it a try still.
**Thanks a lot Newman:
I did use the word "perversion", and this is the only word that match what happened to my mind.. Alas.
I must have missaid something, because i'm not 50 no, i am 23 years old.
The point you made about the suposed, the so said "normality" of P at a young age, is an extremely important point. It was under this influence that i grew with P. I thought it was normal, Schoolmates talked about it at school, that's how i first got acquainted with it. Was i aware, of the real Dangers of it, it would have been a different story. I hope things will change.
I'm not a sex addict yet, i believe, i've never done anything in my real life im ashamed of yet, but no doubt, that if i had just accepted the addiction to P, such things would have happened. That's another strong point, to experience the same amount of pleasure, you need to go further and further, step by step, you go forward more and more hardcore content, and i believe the very last step, is to make "it for real". That's a fatality. I don't want to reach this extremity, which's why i'm struggling no matter how depressed i might seem.
I don't feel like, consulting a psychologist is an option at the moment. I don't feel, he would really understand the problem. P addiction, and it's consequences have not been deeply studied yet, there's no specialist for such. I don't want a psychologist treating me like any sexaddict.
The good point with the specialist thought, is that it allows to relieve pressure, and shame. Just like any therapy in fact, that's why this forum is so helpfull, you can stop hurting yourself, about how wrong you are, and keep this energy to fight.
I agree that turning away from the addiction straight up, is very unlikely, and it's more of a marathon that a sprint. I've already had a 6 month break, two years ago, but i dumbly came back to P, i hope this time i'll give up altogether.
Sure it's worth the fight, i hoped some specialist could help me, but for the moment i don't know anyone i would feel like talking about this problem. Anyway, your own story is very interesting, the link between P addiction, and Sex addiction, is so thin, i don't even know if there is one, and i'm totally convinced that P addiction leads to sex addiction, he who has been enjoying Sick content in pictures and movies, is bound to try it in the real world, if he doesn't give up.
Thanks for your support.
**Thanks (Senior Member!) Dominus:
I'm not proud of talking about suicide, but it's getting so severe, and i'm doubting i'll ever get rid of theses sick emissions, that sometimes i get in desperation.
I wish i could rewrite that whole Script, but i'm not so sure about it, i think all i could do is to write over it, to cover the wrong lines, being unable to completely erase them.
"The overwhelming urge to watch P". Sometimes i feel like i MUST watch P, or i'll die. That's what i was talking about in some previous post when i was refering to Cocaine like addiction. That was real, and now i'm experiencing it, and it's not funny for sure. You must be right, no matter what, this P addiction, is just like anything else in the Mankind! It can be destroyed trough determination, consistence, repetition of efforts.
For sure, next time i'll feel such urge, i'll just cut the internet off, go out, keep myself busy.
Nah, i'm not giving up yet, im in no Mood to give up.
**Thanks a lot ThisWont'beme:
Well i implied that my condition was more severe, but it doesn't matter, it's no competition. We all go trough the same feeling at some stages, guilt and depression are the leading ones.
Ya, this forum gives much support, and i'm grabbing as much as i can of it.
I'm trying it indeed, to busy myself, to avoid theses SICK, DISGUSTING, BUGGING, (i'm going crazy hehe) mind images. During the day, im pretty successfull, the hardest part is the nite, whenever i close an eye, this mental polution occurs. Paradoxally, It increases now that i gave up P. But i knew that was going to happen, but still that's not enjoyable.
Well, i felt that, even tho i can't dictate what i think in my dreams, when i kinda avoid anykind of images in my mind before i fall asleep, i can more or less control my dreams, but it doesn't always work. I hope i can get a stronger control of anything that is going throught my mind in the future (that's my mind afterall!).
I'll try to kick sadness and depression.
Thanks all of you for this important support in a tough moment.