[ATraversLesFlammes]

I'm reading almost everypost everyday. But, i'm very disapointed i must say. I feel like, this forum is not for me. Most of the stories i read about, concern husband, who developed the bad habit of P, in their adult years, and they just want to get rid of this unhealthy habit: Smoke like indeed.

As far as i'm concerned, P has been acting like opium for me. I didn't even know, but now i'm suffering, and i don't even know if a cure is possible. It's been three weeks i was clean. But the last days i experienced real disorders: erectile troubles, noctural emision, mind images popping into my head whenever i would close my eyes.

The most sick, is that i felt i had to watch P or i would die anyway. So i kind of failed, even knowing it was not the right path, i thought that i should rather, smoke, than take some drug again, so i looked at some softcore content. But internet is fucked up, even when u're getting away from P, you thumb on P. Anyway, i felt it sucked, so i went to bed not feeling so good, but feeling it could have been worse. But little did i know how bad was i just had done was. I had just triggered it. Deviant Noctural emision, i don't even want to talk about. All i have to say, is that i was in some dream, about things not really making sense but Nothing sexual at all, and all of a sudden, some deviant image popped into my mind, just like three weeks ago, and i woke up. The major issue, in PA for me, is it's leading my mind to sexual deviance, i was not up to in my teenage years.

At first i didn't even feel like narating it. I never rode anyone relating, to Deviant thoughts resulting from PA. And i think it's a major issue. A part, from destroying their mariage -- most of the readers, who seem to be 25-45 years old happy married men with a beautiful wife -- risk a lot. To be where i'm now. It took 7 years of P only, sometimes 10 hours a day. But, it could simply happen slower, and happen after 20 years, cause it never stops and keep getting worse and worse. Having to fight perversion at 50, doesn't sound good.

I'm writting in this forum, cause it's all i have, the last option would be suicide definately.

(If, my post has shocked anyone, just tell, i'll delete it and never post again).