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Originally Posted by Searching4peace  I'm sure there is a part of every woman on here and some of the men that would tell you if he is talking with other women about Sx and exchanging pictures and such, that you should leave...then there is a similar part of all of us that knows what it's like to love someone and not want to loose that love. |
I agree with this. After reading about your situation, my first thought was, "Leave him!" Then I put myself in your shoes, and imagined that my boyfriend was doing these things. Of course, I'd want to do anything to keep him, and I'd fight like hell to... for awhile. But I know that if he continued to refuse to change and stop doing those things, the pain it would cause me would become too much. My boyfriend has been watching and masturbating to porn more than we have sex, and discovering
that was excrutiating... if I found out he was doing what your boyfriend is doing, it would hurt me a hundred times more, and I honestly don't know how I'd even get out of bed in the morning. As much as I'd want to hold on to him, I wouldn't be able to live with that level of pain for long. If I explained how hurt I was and asked him to stop, and he still didn't, then I'd give him an ultimatum: me or them. And if he didn't choose me, I'd leave.
But that's just my opinion, and I'm certainly not saying that that's what you should do. However, I do want to ask you to consider this: if you've already asked him many times to stop, and he's refused, do you truly believe he will ever change? If he doesn't understand how he is hurting you—and from what you've said, it doesn't seem like he's making any effort to understand—do you think he ever will? You should be prepared for the possibility that he will never stop this, and you need to ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with it.
Also, I personally think that what he's doing is cheating. I believe that sexual interaction of any kind is cheating. I don't consider viewing porn cheating, because it isn't interaction. But having sexually explicit conversations and sharing sexually explicit pictures with another person most definitely is interaction. Even if it never moves into the physical realm, that is still a betrayal of his commitment to you. Or at least, I think so.
I sincerely hope you can get him to understand what this is doing to you, and he stops. That, of course would be the best case scenario. But if that doesn't happen, I hope that you can find a solution that will make
you happy. If he isn't willing to put your needs first, then you must!