[last2know]

Dear Dave,

Forgive me, I just had to begin that way because it has such a nice ring. Today is rough for me (sad and bad hair on top of it) and so I get silly sometimes to mask the pain.

I am one of the new desparate wives that you see posting and begging for insight. THANK YOU so much for the insight that you just gave! You have helped me to understand a little more.

My h and I are going to divorce (his decision). I believe that he is doing this because he does not know how to work through our regular marital issues, and on top of it I caught him with a raging PA.

I don't know if you saw my post from yesterday when I said that I gave him the letter and his response of basic denial.

However, your clear and thoughtful insight stirred up feelings in me of wanting to try harder to save my marriage. I had given up because he seems hell bent on ending it. I know that I can't make him stay if he doesn't want to, but if he is feeling what you wrote (and I think so), then maybe I need to creep up on him and somehow get it through to him that he is safe with me.

At the very least, after reading your post there, I want to contact one of his 2 childhood male friends who he is still "close" with and informing him/them of my H's struggle. Even if my h becomes furious with me , he would have a male who loves him, to talk to. Now my h is a very proud person. When I first discovered this problem 2 years ago, he did beg me not to tell one of the male friends that I speak of. I understand that he wants to look like the very capable and successful man in front of them. I said that I wouldn't tell.

What does anyone think of me telling my H that I would like to do this? No, I think that I can hear the answer to that one already. WRONG! DON'T DO IT! HE WILL HATE YOU FOREVER.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that your post gave me hope and renewed empathy. I can see that my H is so scared behind his mask of denial. I just wish that I knew that he still loves me (he says that he doesn't want me and that the feeling is gone) and that it isn't too late. I too have pride after I keep trying everything and he rejects me and takes another step in the direction of divorce.