HB85,
I'm sure there is a part of every woman on here and some of the men that would tell you if he is talking with other women about Sx and exchanging pictures and such, that you should leave...then there is a similar part of all of us that knows what it's like to love someone and not want to loose that love. There is no easy answer to your question
Quote:
|
I just want to know that there is hope for him, and for me. Hope for our relationship.
|
I'm sure we'd all like to think there is always hope, sometimes that just isn't true. This is something you have to figure out for yourself, but we are here to help, to listen, to give feedback on things we did in our own recovery and subsequent rebuilding of our relationships. What he is doing is not only a violation to your relationship as PA is, but he's taken it to a different level. His actions are no longer just the actions of a PA, but the actions of several other branches of SA. It hurts my heart that we have so many new members lately that are with people who have not only hurt them with PA, but have violated that trust to new and worse levels. Most of us don't know what to say.
My husband, and I've never entered this into my journal, placed an online add for sex last year when things were going bad with our relationship. This was a tipping point for me in my own mental downfall. As if it wasn't enough to be the wife of a PA, he was searching for sx online while out of town. Nothing ever happened with it, but it did rock our relationship in a way that I never thought we'd make it through. While we were separated he started chatting with a mutual friend of ours who was telling me in separate conversations that I was doing the right thing leaving him, and was making plans to have sx with him in his conversations with her...I tell you this because I want you to know I do TRULY understand the emotions you are feeling. These things we were able to overcome, it has taken us a long time, and a lot of sleepless nights, and even more tear filled conversations. We were only able to do this by me taking responsibility for my own faults and actions and him realizing and accepting his illness. I found a lot of guidance through the books I got from S-anon International...he has read some of the work with me and participates "though mostly reading" on these forums. We are happier now than we have ever been in our marriage. So in that matter there is hope for us...
I recommend you start a journal in the Journals for So's area...so that we can get to know you better, and have one place to respond to your situation. It helps because as you recover you can have one location to read all of the progress you have made, and to help revisit issues you have come back up.
I hope that this helps you a bit, and look forward to getting to know you.
Try reading some of these
Journals for SO's - TTF community forums
They might help you to see a plan of action for yourself.
Peace and love,
Crys