Quote:
Originally Posted by FairyG  I know I hated it when my husband clammed up and wouldn't talk to me - I know now that he just didn't know what to say, or how to say it...but at the time, all I saw was that he didn't think I was worth fighting for, that he really wanted porn more than me or our son. That hurt, more than I can ever describe, and it wasn't until we managed to start talking that we started to heal each other and ourselves again. |
Amen sister,
Bog...my husband did the same things that you have described here to a T. He never knew what to say and I would get so dammed angry that I would lash out and bring up past hurts to "force" him to see and take accountability for what he had done to me....this required a huge step on both of our parts to overcome.
First You have to be willing to step out side of that box of hurt and self pity for what you've done and be open and honest with her. Even if it turns into a fight, the goal is to not lash back if she isn't in a place to confine those emotions. Take it in stride.
Second I agree with storm, being selfless and putting aside your games in a time when she is feeling doubtful about her own situation and doing something that she wants to focus on will show her in a very real sense that "Hey I can change, I think about you, I love you."
Third I agree with everyone here that if you cannot manage to overcome the act of physical communication, try sending each other letters...make an agreement that you will talk face to face once a week about the pa but that several times a week you both write each other what you are feeling, thinking, how you want to change and what you are going to do about it...Writing this down allows you to take some of the emotion and hurt away from it, so that the other is more open to really hear what you are saying instead of feeling what you are saying.
Lastly if you cannot make it work please do as Fairy suggested, get counseling for your daughters sake and your own sanity. There are many types of Psychotherapy out there that will helpe you both see your faults and how to best over come them to work together, even if you choose not to stay together...and you never know it may just save your marriage.
There is hope, FM/Inshi, Fairyg/her pa, and Dragonin/and I are all proof that there is hope...it's a long perilous road that isn't always easy or pretty but there is hope if there is love. It seems like you two do have the love, you just need to learn how to communicate it to each other in a way that you both truly hear it. It's there we can see it...I just pray that you guys can too.
We're here for you both, and are rooting for you to slay this demon together.
Peace and love
crys