|  rollercoaster to the present -
08-03-2008, 11:08 PM
Time marches on…good days and bad days, the emotions are raw and can change at a drop of a hat. I know now that I need to keep my whole focus on my family, I need my priorities completely on Storm and what I can do for her. I have been soooo selfish for sooo long that it is time to become a giver. My past lies and p and mb problems aren’t going to go away, and I spent a couple of weeks pretending that they would. That wasn’t smart. I had to realize that the life I had was over, and that it is up to me what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I know it will be eons before Storm will ever fully trust me and I have plenty of work ahead proving my intentions. But hope is in the air, and we are growing closer and closer together. The good days are the best, and the bad, well, BAD.
I never want to be in the position of having to struggle to do the right thing again. And as painful as it is to me, need to remember that Storm is still going through the Hell I created. I need to be aware of that always, if our relationship is to grow stronger. I would like to say that my problem with p is over, because I truly never want to see another spec of that crap again, but knowing how it can dig its claws in you, am not about to put my guard down. The mb is another matter, I haven’t struggled with it, but have talked to Storm about how I feel I possibly could in the future. She was great about it, telling me to call her if I had the “urge”, and made me feel like I had her support, which only makes me feel stronger. This site has been a big help for me, and never wanting to be vulnerable again will use it to help me stay focused and strong. I didn’t want to post here, but was reading posts daily, now….you can’t shut me up, I feel bad when spewing all of this out, but better once it’s done. I am embarrassed and ashamed of what I have done, but feel it is necessary to get it out in the open. I want to thank anyone who has taken the time to read these posts, and welcome any opinions, questions, or advice you might have…….Thanks again-LM |