|  D-day and beyond -
08-01-2008, 06:17 PM
D-Day, June 1st. I’m dead. With breaking her heart and seeing the complete disgust for me in her eyes, and the hurtful, horrible, truthful, things she was saying to me, I truly just wanted to die. There is no going back, no reversing time, the damage was done and from that point on both of our lives changed. Mine changed because after living together for our daughters sake but separately in every other way had to come to grips with what I was. A man who would risk everything he has, his love of his life, his family, his reputation, everything dear to him for what? p ? it just didn’t make sense. I was also a huge liar, who could never be trusted again, all and all, just a pretty big ball of scum. This was rock bottom. I could just roll up in a ball and give up, or maybe twist everything around and make Storm at fault for all I have done. Or I could come to the conclusion that I have a big problem and need to fix it NOW.
Storms life changed because of the obvious. She hadn’t married the man she thought she had, and that alone destroyed her. She felt as if the whole relationship was a lie and that she had been conned. Not a great place to be.
The next few days after D-Day, I spent in the guest room, calling in sick to work and throwing out all of my p (old mags. And a shoe box of old vhs p) And decided from that day on I would not mb or view any p of any kind. I would cut off the head of the snake and would focus 100% of all that energy to Storm. I could tell a difference in myself almost immediately, and felt like a huge dark cloud had finally lifted, I wasn’t as moody, I had more clarity, my mind was on my priorities, I looked healthier, I was healing. Storm was not. She had the dubious task of trying to piece back her life and to find a place to put all of the horrible images I had exposed her to. She also had the gift of seeing me become my old self again, with not knowing where and when I would fall off the wagon, was sickened with the thought of actually believing me again. Our relationship hanging by a thread…time marches on. |